PAUL GARAFOLA

Relationships: When A Clear Solution Seems Impossible Right Now

2010-06-01T17:24:00.012-04:00

Remember that your thoughts, conversations, new visions for yourself and even current feelings of confusion are ALL adding to your upcoming new chapter in your life.

Don't undervalue the power of what is being conjured up within you now...

What you are now wanting and needing for yourself...

What you are now wanting for your children...

What you are now wanting for your partner.

What is your heart's intention in all of this now?

Make a decision to silently hold ALL of you in a place of Love, knowing that it will all unfold for the best.

But also actively use this less-than-ideal situation to get clearer on what you now truly want for all of you - including YOU.

That is a step in the right direction.
That is an action that will direct your relationships to a better place. Do your best have patience. Work on that.

There's nothing more powerful that you can actually "do".

Given all of the years and choices and goods and bads, ups and downs...here we are now.
So...what now? What is wanted NOW?
The years you've put in do not matter. They are the past.

What matters then?

What matters is where they have delivered you TO.

Exhale with that realization.

"OK. NOW what do I want?"

Relationship Issues

2009-11-03T21:03:00.026-05:00

Whether we stay together or not - who knows?
We may realize very clearly, as time passes, that this stretch was just a "rough patch".
Or maybe it actually is time to move forward, separately.

But regardless of that outcome, all we can *do* now is to bring Truth and Grace to this as best we can, without making it feel ten times worse by worrying about it.

HOW we're dealing with this period of unpleasantness is more important than the unpleasantness itself. So let's choose right now to be the very best we can Be in this situation.

If we don't do the inner work that we need to do and then APPLY it, then most likely we can expect more of the same experiences. People will continue to come into our lives and act as triggers for us - so we can manage ourselves differently and to choose a more loving approach perhaps.

This current situation is exactly what is supposed to be right now for all parties involved.
It is absolutely the culmination of all our past decisions (good and bad), our choices, our preferences etc.

So...what we choose next is still up to us.
Let's choose again - what we feel is truly best for us - no apologies.
There's no "right" way.

It matters not how smart, intuitive or wise we are unless we actually apply it to our lives - relationships, jobs and interactions with others.
If we're not doing that, then what are we choosing?

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M a r r i a g e

2008-11-18T14:36:00.034-05:00

I could easily imagine myself being with someone for decades in an intimate relationship . . .
but if you ever see me getting legally married, you will know with certainty that miracles do happen.

Marriage vows typically include the ideas of "forever", "for better or for worse" etc.
For me, what's more important than staying together because a formal promise was made in front of friends and family, is staying together because it brings joy and because the relationship continues to serve the growth of each person.
That, to me, is more important than staying loyal "until death do us part".
This idea is quite silly to me, actually - because essentially it doesn't take into consideration the inevitability of change - evolving as individuals.

From what I've observed thus far, many people tend to stay in marriages for the wrong reasons. I feel there is way too much self-sacrifice for the sake of the union - which may seem very noble, but to me it's not at all. If I'm sacrificing myself to stay in a relationship, what am I then bringing to the relationship? And to what end?

Humans are so brainwashed by this very popular notion of longevity being "good", that they don't even think to ask themselves whether or not staying with this particular person is good for their own growth and joy?
It's a simple question, but if we don't ask it and allow in the answer, we suffer...eventually.

But the good that can happen, (even having the slightest bit of Self-awareness) is that we realize that some people simply come into our lives for shorter periods of time - and that's what may be best for both, at that point on their journey. To push it into a "forever" commitment, is to choose a slow death of our spirits' joy and freedom - as too many parts of ourselves are squelched in order to maintain the relationship. To me - this seems to go against our natural state of always growing and expanding.
When it comes to marriage, where is the consideration for change and the commitment to be true to ourselves?

Marriage, from my point of view, is a human institution...societal and familial conditioning.
My friends have married. Close family members have married.
They chose the route that they thought would make them happy - the big wedding, the pictures, the videos, the honeymoon, the house, the pregnancies, the kids. I was there. I celebrated with them, too.
But it's interesting...I look at many of their relationships years later and it's clear to me that Time has changed many fundamental things. The people simply changed. Essentially, they outgrew the marriage.
And now they have two choices: honor themselves or honor the marriage vows (because they "made that promise"). Add kids to that picture, and you've got yourself a very complicated situation; one that is not all that easy to find a simple solution for.

And so to me, there's something to be said about not choosing to take those marriage vows - and still choosing to be in a loving, growing partnership which may very well last for many many years.
But if and when the time comes when either partner feels that the relationship is not serving his or her greater good - well, it's time to let it go. It may hurt - in fact it probably will. Of course it will; endings are very rarely fun. But ultimately it's a minor ache compared to the quiet inner hell of staying with a person whom you no longer feel is right for you.

Over time, people do change - their desires, preferences, habits, priorities etc.
It would be a miracle for both individuals to move and evolve in such similar ways and speeds that it still serves the relationship.
But they do happen!
Miracles happen...and those are the relationships that, to me, are destined to be long-term or life-long. They grow together, they change together - sacrificing very little of themselves. It just works.

To me, this is a wonderful blessing - and I certainly dream of this and I look forward to meeting her someday. Until then, I can hold my head up high - knowing that I've been true to myself...and that is something that all too many people underestimate the power of.
It's everything.

More Truth is Being Revealed

2008-03-23T17:15:00.017-04:00

The perceived veil between the physical and non-physical is getting thinner. They work with us, hand in hand – as a team. We are not alone. Earth-life can be better than what it is, with the help of our non-physical friends. Most humans have forgotten where they’ve come from and who they really are now. They have disconnected from that well of Source Energy that is here and available to them in a moment’s asking.

This is changing, though. Events large and small are occurring to facilitate “looking deeper within”. This changes everything. This “place” is the True source of all that is typically being sought after in the outer world. In fact, nothing can be found anywhere but in this place. The illusion is being cracked open. Many are discovering that the experience of having spouses, children, houses and cars is not enough to fulfill them, to fill that void of what is essentially the disconnection from Source.

And so... Truth is being revealed, slowly but surely – the Truth that nothing outside of yourself can bring you joy, fulfillment and Peace. Nothing.

It’s all about our direction of focus. Once we go within and rediscover and remember who we are, Life is then about what we choose to do here while we’re here. It’s quite simple actually.

If we’re seeking nourishment from the outside, there’s always something or someone being chased after – whether it be a house or wanting to be loved. This is an endless cycle. It never works. Things come and go. Relationships come and go. The house doesn’t fulfill you.

WHO WE ARE is eternal, and as we identify again with that invisible Light of who we are, Life can still be fun. It’s all about the angle of our perceptions. There’s a vast difference between the pressure of DOING and ACCOMPLISHING as humans, and the lightness and joy of simply asking ourselves “What would I like to do now?”, as God experiencing Itself through us.

It is this misidentification that causes the misery in most humans. It leads to fear, hate, greed, insecurity and far worse. When we remember who we are, we then innately feel and know the Oneness of All That Is. There is no duality. None. Different preferences, sure – but behind the illusion of separation we are all just parts of the same Oneness, floating around the Universe, experiencing ourselves.

When a Loved One Passes On . . .

2007-04-26T20:26:00.023-04:00

Do your best to remember during this difficult time, that they really haven't gone anywhere.

"What? What does that mean?!", you may be asking yourself. Well...did you love that person's ears, legs, arms, toenails, strands of hair or eyebrows?

Did you love the person inside - the personality, that beautiful spirit who was the Life within that body?

I know it's difficult, but do your very best to remember - during those moments of grief and the feeling of loss - to talk to them. Talk to that person with your heart, as if they're right there in front of you. You will feel that they are nearer than you think...no matter what you believe.

I say, don't believe me. Don't. But please do it anyway. Talk to them... and see what happens.

When you feel the depth of pain from their physical absence, talk to them. Speak your mind. Speak your heart...and you will know and feel that they are closer than you can imagine.

If you feel sad, don't feel sad for them. They are Home again, free from the bodily conditions that may have caused them some suffering prior to their departure. They are still alive! They are happier now...and they would LOVE for you to be happy now, too - as impossible as that may feel.
Celebrate that person's life and also celebrate their journey back Home, too. And when it's your time to leave this crazy Earth, they'll be right there to greet you. You'll see.

But for the Here and Now - I promise you - your brother, sister, parent, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, whoever has left this planet - they will make it known to you that they are still with you and that the Love that you've felt for one another is always here.
This Love and this connection that you feel never dies.

So...talk to them - and keep your heart and mind OPEN.

Peace be with you.

Call On The Angels And They Will Come

2007-01-05T15:50:00.020-05:00

I continue to quiet the mind and simply ask for guidance in all that I desire.
There is profound simplicity in this.
I’ve found that by trying to figure out what to do and how to do it, it only brings me deep pain and suffering.

My heart has been cracked open by this break-up; but I know now that this is what is truly best for all parties involved. This situation has led me to an even deeper place of asking for guidance from Spirit and it has helped me to let go and let God - like never before.

I also know and feel that by asking for guidance, the archangels and my spirit guides have indeed provided me with so much peace and understanding - beyond anything I could have figured out mentally - and in such a short period of time.
My healing from this loss has been greatly accelerated because of their help. I know this. I know this because I know myself. I know my tendencies. I know my habits. I know my mind. I know how much I suffer from an unwanted break-up.

I have been so blessed by the help of our friendly guides in spirit.

And all they really need from us is our permission to come in and help us.

Pain = E x p a n s i o n

1999-11-18T04:35:00.015-05:00

Without all those years of struggle and effort, perhaps I wouldn’t have had the inspiration and the motivation to look deeper.

I am grateful. So very grateful. I am blessed with this rare desire to remember who we really are, beyond worldly appearances – the Truth, beyond subjective Truth. I feel lucky, in a way.

I wonder at times why many people choose to hide from themselves.

If they would only have the courage to feel deeply what they don't want to feel at all, they might just find that there’s really nothing to be afraid of at all.

To See The Extraordinary In The Ordinary

1999-11-07T15:27:00.006-05:00

…to see the extraordinary

in what appears to be the ordinary…

This is seeing, Truly seeing

the wondrous miracle of

Life Itself

To observe, to just look

and not judge…

We then experience

the Oneness of Everything

When we stop for a moment

and let ourselves be Quiet…

We realize that by Experience

that we are That which gives rise and fall

to everything that appears.

When we just stop trying and efforting, our lives will be

blessed with more miracles that we could ever experience.

Be Still...and see what happens

1999-04-20T04:38:00.013-04:00

It is only our resistance to the Silence

that causes us to feel conflicted or ill at ease.

When we allow ourselves to stop efforting just for a brief instant,

letting go for a moment of any resistance,

we are then filled with Grace, with compassion, with Love…

beyond our mind’s concept of Love…

the Love from where everything, every being arises from…

deeper than what our mind’s “know”.

From Here, any words spoken and any action taken...

will arise effortlessly and spontaneously from our Being, by just BEing.

Our minds may continue to try to convince us otherwise…

but we must stay in the Heart

and live every moment from the Heart...

for this is the only thing that is Eternal.

It is the only thing that matters, essentially.

Everything else will come and go. The outside world is fleeting.

Be Selfish

1992-05-12T13:05:00.014-04:00

It is so very important to look out and care for yourself first.
This isn't such a bad thing, as many might think. In fact I think this it's extremely important because we live with ourselves 24 hours a day, from birth 'til we part this physical world.
If we are all self-sufficient, then isn't every relationship that develops in our lives essentially "icing on the cake"?
So many people look to others as sources for their own happiness or for reinforcement of their self-worth. This is a death to me - a death of our true connection to Source.
It's like drug-addiction - once a person goes to another to feed their positive self-esteem, then it becomes a need… and when the other person is living their own life and can’t give you their time, then what?
Anybody who wants to live a life filled with healthy relationships, must understand this.

We will never find Love in "another".